Hi everybody,
For today I had a post about travel planned, but I heard about the suicide of a friend from school, and I was shocked. All of us who knew her, I think we are in the same state.
The news shocked me so much because a few days ago I had written to her to ask if she knew where Uracit could be found in Caracas because my father could not find it. She answered me and she was super cute, as always, and thanks to her advice, it was that my dad found the medicine.
Today they tell me that she took her own life, and it’s like I don’t believe it.
Instantly I felt bad because I could have talked to her more, I could have asked her how she was doing, maybe it could have helped her feel a little better…. I don’t know, one thinks so many things. How sad that good people are always the ones who leave
She was not from my close circle of friends, but for me she was a super nice and calm girl. In addition, she was the one with the best grade in class and we all admired her.
When something like this happens with someone who was your schoolmate, it’s very hard. Although we are distanced, although we are scattered throughout the world, the bond we have is not broken.
I remember that she always told me that I was stressed and that I had to relax. The truth is that I have always lived like this, stressed by everything and everyone. One thing that I am trying to change.
I try to imagine what someone might think of to make that decision and have the courage to end their life. I have said many times that “I wish to die” and I have also heard it from many people. Many times, when we feel drowned with problems and alone, it seems that death is the best solution, the way to stop suffering.
A friend, who gave me the news, told me that he had a lot of guilt because he used to talk a lot with her, but that with the hustle and bustle of day to day and always living with worries and burdened by a thousand things, he had moved away a bit of people, and he had lost touch with her.
He told me that “each person is waging a personal battle with their internal demons, to a greater or lesser scale, each one has their concerns from which they must get ahead. The problem is that we do not all have the same perspective and perhaps we do not even assume the problems in the same way”.
It’s totally true. As they say, “each head is a world”. I am one of the people who accumulate the problems in my head and when I explode, it is like a hurricane. I am also a person who does not forget, years and years go by, but things are not forgotten, and I do not forgive. Being like this is a shit.
In these moments I think of the people you stop talking to, the people you stop seeing, the friends you lose, because you are drowning in problems and worries. Problems and worries that, added to loneliness, do not give good advice. I have spent several years in a black hole that I am beginning to emerge from, largely thanks to my boyfriend and my friends.
And I think about her, and I’m so sorry that she couldn’t get out of what was drowning her, that she would have had to swallow all the bad things and bad thoughts without someone to force her to laugh, even if she didn’t want to.
I feel like life has just slapped me and all of us who have heard of his departure. A slap so that we wake up and live life, so that we worry only about what we can improve, so that we enjoy our friends (even if they are scattered around the world), so that we let go of what makes us feel bad and we cannot change.
Today we found out about her departure, and we were sad.
I hope you are in a better place.